Behind These Hazel Eyes
by Muzzy-Olorea
Summary: [DL][MS] Lindsay was in denial about the whole thing until Danny, Stella and Mac help her confront it and put it behind her. Meanwhile Mac and Stella have realised that denial about their feelings for each other just doesn't work.
1. I Can’t Breathe, I Can’t Sleep

**Behind These Hazel Eyes**

**DL,MS. Danny puts a stop to Lindsay's denial that anything's wrong and whilst she's trying to deal with her own secret, Mac and Stella are trying to move forward.**

**Chapter One: I Can't Breathe, I Can't Sleep, I'm Barely Hanging On**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or CSI:NY. I do however own my imagination, my Muse, my insanity, my fangirliness and my dreams.**_

**A/N:- My first CSI:NY fic. No idea where this came from.**

…**. CSI:NY …. I've seen a few eps from Season One but I really got into it when Lindsay joined the team because I'm a huge Without A Trace fan and Anna Bellknap guest starred in one of the best WAT episodes ever! Lindsay and Danny undoubtedly need to be together and Stella rules and deserves happiness with Mac of course.**

She had chosen this bar because it was always full of cops and federal agents which made her feel safe but at the same time it offered her some peace and quiet as she was too new in town to be recognised by many.

Now she sat in a dark corner, staring down into her Martini and lemonade. So many things had happened in the past few weeks: The move, starting a new job, meeting a never-ending crowd of new people at work and now … this. She was hurting so much but she kept it all inside, put on an act, showed her colleagues a brave façade but she knew they weren't all convinced. She had been acting different these couple days and Stella especially seemed to have noticed it. She was always hovering around, asking her whether she was okay and whether she needed a break. She didn't need a break though. Working herself to the bone was her way of dealing with it and so what if she hadn't been able to sleep in days.

"Hey Montana, you waiting for someone or is this seat free?"

Lindsay jerked her head up to see Danny looking down at her. Before she'd had a chance to form some words, he had sat down in the seat opposite from her and was examining her.

"You know, all you had to was ask and I would have deigned you with my company so you wouldn't have to drink alone." He smirked.

"Shut it Danny. I'm not in the mood." Lindsay said, sipping her drink. "I came here to be alone."

Danny chuckled and drank some of his beer. "I'm not taking the hint so you might as well get used to at least trying to be civil to me."

"Danny please just go and annoy someone else." Lindsay said, almost pleadingly. She didn't want to be around anyone at the moment.

"No can do I'm afraid; everyone else seems to find me quite charming and I'm sure I'll win you over sooner or later." Danny said offhandedly. "Another drink?"

"No thanks." Lindsay said coldly, standing up and pulling her coat on.

"Hey, where are you going?" Danny questioned, confused.

Lindsay downed the rest of her drink and headed towards the door. "Away from you."

Danny frowned down into his beer. Something was up. Of course it wasn't like he was the person Lindsay trusted the most in this city and he couldn't remember one serious conversation the two of them had had outside of work which wasn't littered with blatant teasing remarks and sardonic replies. He realised that he didn't know her at all …. Still, these last few days she had been distancing herself from the rest of the team, not just him, and she barely spoke two words together. Even when he'd said things solely to provoke a reaction out of her, she had barely acknowledged that he had spoken. Something had happened in the past few days which she wasn't telling anyone about. Something which had caused the strongly opinionated CSI who was always willing to stand her ground to crawl back into a shell Danny didn't even know she had. He would never tell her but when she was all worked up over something he had said to provoke her or over a suspect in a case, was when he thought she looked the most beautiful. It was then when he realised he wasn't just playing with her, he was attracted to her more deeply than anyone would have guessed. He gulped down the rest of his drink and ran out of the bar to find her.

The New York streets were as busy as usual on a Thursday night and it took Danny a minute before the crowd cleared a path so he could see which way Lindsay had gone. Having spotted her retreating back, he jogged after her.

"Lindsay." He called, noticing how foreign that name sounded coming from him. Calling her 'Montana' had become second nature to him and by using her first name it seemed to make this much more personal and Danny Messer didn't do personal.

"I told you to leave me alone." She said, stuffing her hands in her pocket, annoyed that he had followed her, especially since she was on the point of breaking down.

"I just want to talk." Danny said, wading through a crowd of foreign tourists, struggling to keep up with her.

"Well I don't." Lindsay said.

"Something's been going on with you these last few days and I want to help." Danny insisted, grabbing her by the wrist and pulling her into an alleyway to stop her from walking away from him. That appeared to be a big mistake though. The next thing Danny knew he felt her hand come into contact with his cheek. He let go of her wrist, and stared at her in surprise.

Her eyes were narrowed and her stance defensive.

"Don't ever touch me again, do you hear? I don't want to talk to you. Just leave me alone. I just want to be left alone, why don't people understand that!" Lindsay raged.

Danny felt something sizzle up in him. Was this really the same Lindsay Munroe who worked quietly and diligently beside him in the lab six days a week? What the hell had he done to deserve a slap? Figures that the one time he was actually concerned for someone, it came back to slap him in the face, literally. He was just about to ask her what the hell her problem was when he noticed something in her eyes that made him stand stock still and bite his tongue. The anger that had been in her eyes when she had hit him was now replaced by fear. And tears. He didn't understand it. She was starting to shake and she wrapped her arms around her body, holding herself tightly.

"Lindsay?" Danny questioned, cautiously reaching out to touch her arm comfortingly with the hand that wasn't clutching his stinging cheek.

She stepped back out of his reach. "Just don't." she said softly before turning and running back into the main street.

Danny stared at where she had just been standing, trying to process everything that had just happened. She'd run out of the bar, he'd run after her, he'd grabbed her arm, she had hit him. He'd touched her and she'd slapped him. Something wasn't right about this. Danny got out his cell phone and called the one person who would know what to do.

……………………………………………

Stella looked down at her cutlery which was glittering in the candlelight with a slight blush. He was making her feel everything she knew he would make her feel.

"What's up?" he asked, reaching across the table and placing her hand in his gently.

"Nothing. It's just been so long since I've been on one of these."

"What a date?"

"Yeah. Usually I'm sitting petrified in my seat right about now thinking of a hundred things that could go wrong." Stella said with a nervous laugh.

"And tonight?" He questioned, bringing her hand up to his lips and kissing her knuckles softly.

"Tonight, everything's perfect - but then again I knew it would be with you." She smiled.

"Mmm. I couldn't agree more."

Just then Stella's phone started vibrating in her pocket and she took it out. "It's Danny." She said, looking at the caller ID.

"Don't answer it. You're not on call." The gentleman said, taking the cell phone away from her.

"Exactly. There's got to be a good reason Danny's calling me when I'm not on call." Stella pointed out.

Mac groaned and handed it back to her letting her answer it. He hated it when she was right, which was nearly always. She had been right about it being time that they addressed the hidden feelings between them which had lately been simmering so close to the surface even Flack had picked up on it. And she had been right about taking things slow, letting him decide when and where he wanted their first 'date' to be. And she had certainly been right to wear that dress tonight. God she looked breathtaking and he hadn't taken his eyes off of her since the moment she had opened her front door. She caught him staring at her and gave him a small smile which made his heart warm in a way which he hadn't felt for years. But then the smile faded and was replaced by a look of worry.

Stella put down her cell and gave Mac an anxious glance.

"What is it?" he asked worriedly.

"It's Lindsay. Something's up." She said.

**A/N:- Okay, there's the start. What do you think?**


	2. Can’t Deny It, Can’t Pretend

**Chapter Two: Can't Deny It, Can't Pretend**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or CSI:NY. I do however own my imagination, my Muse, my insanity, my fangirliness and my dreams.**_

**A/N:- Thank you all for your response so far. Here's the next chapter for you.**

Stella walked along the corridor, looking from the door numbers nailed to the doors back down to the piece of paper in her hand. When she had put on this dress and high heels, she certainly hadn't expected to be doing much walking and especially not down endless corridors of a colleague's home. When she and Mac had met Danny outside Lindsay's apartment block, she had visibly seen Danny's eyes widen when he saw what she was wearing but he had resisted saying anything, instead concentrating on explaining again what had passed between him and Lindsay.

"Okay, here we are, Flat 314." Stella said standing outside the door. She reached for the bell when she realised Danny and Mac were still standing behind her. She faced them, arms crossed. "You guys can't be here."

"Why not?" Danny said defensively. "I'm the one who started this whole … investigation."

"And I'm her supervisor. If there's something wrong, she should have been able to come to me in the first place." Mac added.

Stella looked at them as if she was dealing with a couple of petulant children. Mac might be her boss but she was the one heading this case. She was the kind of person to take any rookie under her wing but when Lindsay Munroe had arrived, she had seemed so self-assured and confident that Stella had been reluctant to interfere. Now she needed help, Stella was going to make sure that she was there for her. "Honestly, if there's something wrong, she's never going to tell me what it is when you two are there. Besides us girls have to stick together." She told them.

Danny looked hurt. "I know that you're always going to be worried if there's something up with one of our own, but trust me, it's best if I handle this." Stella explained. "Go wait in the lobby and I'll keep you informed."

After making sure that Danny and Mac were out of sight, she straightened her dress a bit and rang the bell. It opened slowly and Stella didn't fail to notice that the chain was securely fastened.

"Hey Stella, what's the matter? Do you need me to cover a shift?" Lindsay asked curiously, undoing the chain and opening the door wide.

"No, no, it's not that." Stella said, quickly. She looked at Lindsay, she had dark shadows under her eyes and she was wrapped tightly in a bathrobe which was odd considering it was only half past eight. "Erm, can I come in?" she asked.

Lindsay nodded and stood aside letting her in. She looked at her colleague, dressed to the nines and couldn't help wondering what the hell she was doing here. Unless they did things differently in New York than in Montana, then it wasn't customary for colleagues to make drop calls and certainly not dressed up as if they were going on a date.

Stella went into CSI mode as her eyes scanned Lindsay's apartment. It had the look of being meticulously kept up until a few days ago when unopened post was allowed to gather dust on the coffee table and week-old newspapers lay on the arm of the settee.

"Do you want a drink?" Lindsay asked unsurely, wondering what Stella wanted.

"No thanks." Stella answered, turning back round to face her. She suddenly realised how awkward this was. "You okay? You've seemed a little distracted these last few days."

Lindsay frowned. "I'm fine."

Stella held her gaze. "Right."

Lindsay sighed and turned away. "Has Danny spoken to you?" she asked with realisation what this was all about.

"He may have said some things." Stella answered. "We're a close knit team here in New York, and we notice when something's not quite right."

"Well, tell him I'm sorry for lashing out at him but honestly, there's nothing for you guys to worry about." Lindsay said but she couldn't quite look Stella in the eye as she said it. What had happened a few days ago was slowly eating her up and the pressure of having to present a brave face to everyone was getting too much.

"Lindsay, I'm a CSI and a Detective. I'm not stupid. You might not know me that well but I'm really nice and I can help."

"It's, erm, it's nothing really." Lindsay said but even as the words left her lips, she knew that just pretending it all never happened was no longer working for her. Her uncontrollable reaction to Danny earlier today had proved to her that she needed to deal with it and by the looks of it Stella wasn't going to go anywhere until she had found out what was up anyway.

Stella sat down on the sofa and watched as Lindsay hesitantly followed suit. She looked absolutely drained and edgy and as she lifted up her arm to run her hand through her damp hair, the sleeve of her robe rolled up and Stella caught sight of some dark blue markings on her arms. Suddenly it all clicked into place.

As Lindsay forced herself to steadily meet Stella's gaze, she saw that she had put two and two together herself and she felt like the great rock had been removed and the dam broken. Before she even realised it, tears were starting to run down her face and she found herself buried in Stella's tight embrace.

"Hey, it's going to be alright hun." Stella said, rubbing her back. "Why didn't you tell anyone?"

"I knew I should. I mean as a CSI I have to deal with these things every day but when it came to dealing with my own trauma I just ….." She lost it. She had spent so many nights fighting it but when the opportunity presented itself to just let it all go, she couldn't stop herself. "I know that by not going to the hospital or calling to the police I've destroyed vital evidence but I just couldn't face it. It was like this surreal nightmare that if I ignored it wouldn't seem real." Lindsay explained through her tears.

"Oh God Lindsay, you shouldn't have to go through this alone. Wasn't there anyone else you could talk to?"

"I don't know anyone in New York and my Mom back home didn't want me to come here in the first place. If I told her about …. this then she wouldn't let me stay here a day longer and I don't want this … this .. this bastard to scare me into going back home. That would be like letting him win."

"You didn't have to deal with this by yourself though." Stella said pulling away a bit so she could look Lindsay in the eye. "You want to tell me what happened?"

Lindsay hesitated. Now she had started, she half wanted to get it all out but the other part of her didn't want to relive again what she had been reliving every night in her nightmares.

"You tell me, the sooner we can catch the guy who did this to you and the sooner you can start to put it in the past. Trust me, it's the best thing to do." Stella said, rubbing her arm and looking at her kindly. She had seen so many bad things, so much hurt in her life but she had never seen someone she knew look so broken from something some sick bastard had done to her. Lindsay Monroe didn't need this, she didn't deserve this. She had put so many hours into solving crimes, helping the community but at the end of the day there was no way she could stop this happening to herself.

"It was last Tuesday," Lindsay started, her voice shaking from the tears. "I'd stayed behind to finish up a report so it was late by the time I'd left. I was walking past Morrisons on 42nd Street and I was so tired I mustn't have been as awake as I ought to have been. Suddenly out of nowhere this guy grabbed my arms and stuffed this rag in my mouth to stop me screaming and dragged me into this dark alley where he – he –he ….. attacked me." She trailed off. She could seem images flash across her mind that also haunted her sleep and she shuddered. "I feel so stupid. I've had the training, the defence classes and at the end of the day all I could do was just lie there counting the seconds until it was over." She mumbled, burying her face in her hands.

Stella felt her eyes stinging and something burning inside her. It was always hard for her to emotionally detach herself from cases but this one was so personal, it was hard for her to remind herself to stay strong for Lindsay. "Lindsay, don't you even dare start apologising. This is not your fault and we're going to catch whoever did this to you okay? Okay?"

Lindsay nodded slightly and Stella pulled the young CSI back into her arms and held her. "You've been so brave this past week. If it was me there would be no way I would be able to hold up as well as you."

They sat there for awhile, Stella just letting Lindsay cry and get it all out of her system. She was glad Danny had thought of calling her otherwise Lindsay's suffering would have gone on much longer.

Now she had told someone, it made the whole thing so much more real to her. She could not longer distance herself from it but at the same time she felt like a huge weight had been lifted off her. She had felt from the first day that Stella was the kind of person who would be willing to help her rather than the territorial bitch of the office you sometimes came across and her characterisation of her colleague had been right. In all honesty Lindsay was glad that Stella had come knocking on her door tonight.

"I know this is going to be hard but I need you to describe your attacker in as much detail as you can remember." Stella said quietly.

Lindsay turned away. "I-I can't remember." She said.

"I need you to close your eyes and focus. Anything you can remember will help. I'm afraid that when we catch the guy you'll have to do a line-up anyway so if you could try and remember now, that'll be a great help." Stella pushed gently.

Lindsay closed her eyes. "He was tall, about six foot, muscly and strongly built. It was dark but I think his hair was a dark sandy colour and he had dark eyes. He may have had a scar down his right cheek but I'm not too sure."

"That's real good Lindsay." Stella said, jotting down the details. "We've got something to start with. Could you try and remember what he was wearing for me?"

"Blue jeans, white wife-beater covered with an over shirt and black shoes." Lindsay said, opening her eyes again.

"You say he stuffed cloth in your mouth, what happened to it?"

"I don't remember. He didn't take it with him so it must have been left in the alley." Lindsay said, frowning with the effort of talking about it.

"And have you washed the clothes you wore that night?" Stella asked delicately.

Lindsay shook her head. "No, everything's in a pile in my bathroom so there should still be some evidence on them."

"That's good." Stella said, closing her notebook. "We'll get Flack on the case tracking down some suspects whilst we process the evidence .." Stella paused. "If you're not comfortable with our guys working this case then …"

"No, no, it's fine." Lindsay sighed. "I just want it all to be over."

"It will be. We're going to get this guy." Stella said confidently. Suddenly her phone beeped.

"What's up?" Lindsay asked, startled by the sudden noise.

"Mac and Danny are waiting downstairs." Stella told her.

"They're here?"

"They were worried about you but I told them that it would be better if I came to see you alone first. Is it okay if I go down and get them and bring them up?" Stella asked.

Lindsay nodded and tightened her bathrobe around her. She felt strangely embarrassed at having to face Danny again and letting her boss and co-workers see her looking so vulnerable and weak.

Stella smiled at her comfortingly. "I'll be two minutes." She said, walking out.

**A/N:- After writing this it occurred to be that I'd really like to see some more of Lindsay and Stella working together on the show. I think they'd get on really well together but that could just be my Muse talking ….**


	3. Broken Up, Deep Inside

**Chapter Three: Broken Up, Deep Inside**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or CSI:NY. I do however own my imagination, my Muse, my insanity, my fangirliness and my dreams.**_

**A/N:- Here's the next chapter for you guys. Thanks for all of your reviews so far!**

She had barely stepped out of the elevator before Mac and Danny came jogging up to her.

"Did you find out what was wrong? Is she okay? Can we come up?" Danny asked.

Stella raised her hands to stop his urgent questioning. "Woah. The answer's yes, she will be and yes you can come up." She told him.

Mac studied Stella. She looked much more worn down and sombre than she had half an hour ago. When he had picked her up earlier that evening she was full of that happy, bouncy spirit that was typically Stella but now she looked exhausted and drained. He wanted to offer her some sort of comfort but he didn't dare now that Danny was with them.

"So?" Danny prodded again as they got into the elevator.

Stella swallowed hard. "Last Tuesday on her way home from work, Lindsay was raped in an alley near Morrisons." There was a sharp intake of breath. "Yeah." Stella sighed. "That's why she reacted so badly to you touching her Danny."

"Why didn't she tell anyone? Why did she keep it to herself?" Danny said forcefully, angry that Lindsay had to suffer this.

"People deal with things in different ways Danny." Mac said. "When we go in there I want you to be calm and focussed. She won't want to see you like this."

Stella nodded her agreement as she ripped off the page from her notepad and handing it to Mac. "This is everything I got off of her. We need to examine the crime scene carefully and there might still be a rag there that he used to muffle her. She also has the clothes she wore that night unwashed so we've got plenty to start with even though we no longer have any evidence on her herself. We also need to pull Flack off of whatever case he may be working and onto this one."

"Okay." Mac agreed. "Stella, if you want to be primary on this one then …"

Stella shook her head. "I'm going to stay here with Lindsay if that's okay."

Mac held her gaze. Very often they didn't need words to pass between them to understand each other. "Sure. That's a good idea." He said.

The three of them got out of the elevator and walked into Lindsay's apartment.

Lindsay got up to meet them, rubbing her hands together nervously. She felt pity radiating off from all of them which made her feel incredibly uncomfortable. She caught Danny's eye and he looked like he wanted to say something but couldn't find the words.

"We're going to catch the guy." Mac stated with his usual determined, unwavering tone.

Lindsay nodded slightly. Stella walked up to her and put her arm around her shoulders lightly. "Mac and Danny are going to collect evidence from your apartment and then head back to the crime scene and lab to start running the data whilst I'm going to stay here with you okay?" Lindsay nodded again and broke away from the group, heading into her kitchen.

The three others exchanged a look.

"Right. I'll take this room." Danny said walking into the room on his right whilst Mac went to the bathroom to collect the clothes.

Danny entered Lindsay's bedroom and automatically felt that with every step he took he was intruding on her privacy even more. Stella said that everything Lindsay had been wearing that night was in the bathroom so he didn't know what he had hoped to find in here. Her deployment belt with her gun and ID were on her bedside table and Danny picked it up and examined it. It looked like it had been chucked onto the ground and it was still covered with particles of dirt. Maybe if he took it back to the lab they might be able to find something on this. No doubt the guy they were trying to track down was an amateur and not a serial rapist otherwise Lindsay surely wouldn't still have this. He pictured it in his mind: in his eagerness to get to her, the perp probably tore this from her and threw it down without paying much attention to it. Still the gun was hard to miss. He must have made sure it was well out of Lindsay's reach before he pinned her to the ground and then took off in such a hurry, forgetting all about it. Danny bagged it before taking a look around.

The room was decorated in soft pastel colours and neatly organised. She had brought with her from Montana a surprisingly large amount of teddy bears and soft toys which showed a sentimental side to her that he had never seen at work. On top of the dresser were a collection of photo frames: there was one taken more than a decade ago of Lindsay and her family which told him that she used to be close to her family but perhaps wasn't anymore. Some were of her and her old team of CSIs in Montana messing around with the camera in the lab and at her leaving party. She seemed much more light-hearted and relaxed around them than she had been in New York. The others were of her friends back home taken not too long ago – her and her girlfriends laughing at a party and one of her and five guys at a pool. They were all in their swimwear and they were all carrying her, ready to chuck her into the water. Looking at the photos Danny had a weird feeling of jealousy that he didn't know her then to be there, enjoying her company when these photos were taken. Apparently he felt more for his co-worker than he himself had realised. He heard movement by the door and turned round.

"Hey." He said.

"Hey." Lindsay responded softly, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

Danny looked at her. She looked completely different to the Lindsay in the photos and he didn't know what to say to her. He never was good with words. "I'm sorry – for what happened and what you've had to go through." He said, sitting down next to her on her bed unsurely.

She shrugged. "It's not your fault. I'm sorry for lashing out at you. Here." She said and handed him some ice wrapped in a towel. "Otherwise it'll really start to bruise up."

"Oh thanks. It doesn't hurt at all though." Danny said taking it and pressing it against his cheek.

"I know after you asked I should have offered some sort of explanation …" Lindsay started.

"Hey, no, I completely understand. Of course you'd feel more comfortable talking to Stella, I was just worried, you know," Danny said, looking at her.

Lindsay held his gaze for a moment before forcing a smile and looking down. "Thanks."

"Well, I've gotta go." Danny said, standing up.

"Of course."

"Yeah, well, I'll see you later."

"Sure."

Lindsay watched him go. She knew she was going to have an ingrained mistrust of men from now on but she also knew that Danny Messer was someone she could trust.

………………………………………..

"You hungry?" Stella asked, shutting the door after Danny and Mac had exited.

"I, er, no." Lindsay answered, distractedly.

Stella observed her. It was going to be a struggle but she had to try and take her mind off of things. "You don't mind if I order one do you?" she asked, taking out her cell phone as she slipped her tired feet out of her high heels.

"No, go ahead."

"Do you like peppers or not?" Stella asked, as she searched her phone for the number of the pizza place.

Lindsay chuckled. "You're not going to be able to trick me that easily."

"Come on, you haven't eaten and if you make me eat a whole pizza by myself then I'm blaming you if I can't fit in my clothes tomorrow, please?"

Lindsay looked at the slim Detective and found that hard to imagine but although she wasn't hungry, she knew she had to eat something before she started to fade away. "With peppers please." She said causing a smile to form on her colleague's face.

Whilst Stella talked to the pizzeria, Lindsay grabbed some glasses and a selection of drinks before settling herself back on the sofa. She could feel herself start to relax a tiny bit now her attacker's time left in the open was severely limited.

"I'm sorry I ruined your date tonight." Lindsay said as Stella finished her order and sat down.

"Oh don't worry about it. Mac and I have waited so long, one more night doesn't make a difference." Stella answered, reaching for a can of soda. There was silence and she paused mid-reach as she realised what she had just said. She leant back against the sofa. "Ah."

"So you and Mac, huh?" Lindsay said curiously, managing a smirk. She knew the two of them were close but she had never imagined there was anything else going on between them.

Stella suddenly seemed very engrossed by picking invisible fluff off of her skirt. "It was just dinner." She said offhandedly. "We still don't know what the transition from friends and co-workers to something more is going to be like and we may just decide to be friends so we're trying to keep it off the radar."

Lindsay nodded to show she wasn't going to start broadcasting it over the office. "You two are perfect for each other though. I mean you already know what each other are thinking and can finish off each other's sentences …."

"I wish it was that simple." Stella sighed.

"What, is there a rule against dating co-workers?" Lindsay questioned.

Stella shook her head. "It's not that." She said hesitating, considering if she really ought to be saying any more but she realised that everyone in the lab knew about it anyway, it would only be a matter of time before Lindsay found out. "Mac's wife died on September 11th."

"Oh." Lindsay said as it all came together. It really did seem that everyone on this team was hiding their own dark, depressing secret. Back home in Montana, everyone at work had had the same kind of country upbringing and most had the same day-to-day dreary life.

"Yeah." Stella said quietly, lapsing into her own thoughts until the doorbell rang. "Looks like pizza's here."

They ate their dinner in mutual silence watching an old comedy show on the TV, all the time Lindsay having to make a conscious effort to focus on it rather than wondering how close Mac and Danny were to catching her attacker. What if they never found him? What if he was left out there to roam, attacking more women? What if she herself had to come face to face with his latest victim whilst at work? She shuddered inwardly and turned her mind to other things.

"What's Danny like?" she asked suddenly.

Stella turned to her, a little surprised at her question. "With Danny, what you see is what you get."

"Really?"

"Well, not exactly. What I should have said is he doesn't mince his words and he's very vocal and emotional but not necessary in a bad way." Stella mused.

"And does he always relentlessly tease the rookies?"

Stella laughed. "Only the ones he likes." Lindsay's eyes widened slightly and Stella realised what she said sounded like. "I mean, if he didn't like you, he'd probably just ignore you and never speak. Why what do you think of him?"

"I don't know. I just feel like he's always hiding something." Lindsay said frankly.

Stella didn't say anything at first, instead just stared at the carpet but she caught Lindsay looking at her out of the corner of her eye.

"Aren't we all?" Stella said softly but it was more of a statement than a question.

**A/N:- You will get some DL and MS fluff I promise but you're going to have to wait for a bit! Hope you like.**


	4. Opened Up and Let You In

**Chapter Four: Opened Up and Let You In**

_**Disclaimer: I own my Muse and psychotic imagination. Everything else I have humbly borrowed from CBS.**_

**A/N:- Sorry it's been awhile but I got distracted and my Muse seems to be hitchhiking across various fandoms at will and all I can do is silently follow her lead. Anyway, finally a new chapter for y'all.**

"Hey, what's up? I came as soon as I could." Don Flack asked as he strode down the dark alley to where Danny and Mac stood, hunched over a pile of cardboard boxes.

Danny stood up and straightened his back, rolling his shoulders back to get the knots out of them. "It's Lindsay. Some sick son of a bitch …" he seethed and kicked the pile of cardboard boxes in frustration sending them flying everywhere. They had been examining this alley for over an hour and had found nothing since any evidence that may have been left had been destroyed between now and the day Lindsay got attacked.

"DANNY!" Mac shouted, glaring at him. "You better hope that there was no evidence on them otherwise you may have destroyed our only lead."

"Sorry." Danny muttered, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and pacing up and down.

"I want you to cool off. Being like this, you're in no state to help anyone, least of all Lindsay. Go take a walk and come back when you're calmer." Mac said crossly.

"Mac, I'm fine." Danny insisted.

"Do it now or you're off the case." Mac said sternly.

Danny glared at him before peeling off his latex gloves and throwing them at the ground near Mac's feet and stalking off.

"What's up with him?" Flack asked, walking up to Mac.

Mac sighed. "I think he's having a hard time separating his personal feelings from the case." He said, taking off his gloves. Flack looked at him curiously. "Lindsay Monroe, our new CSI. She got attacked and raped down this alley last Tuesday and she never told anyone until tonight."

Flack's face rumpled up in concern. "What can I do?" he asked quietly.

Mac took out the piece of paper that Stella had given him. "You could start with narrowing down a list of suspects." Mac said. "We have Lindsay's clothes and I'm sure we can get DNA from that but it's going to be awhile before everyone else is in or until I can get back to the lab."

Flack nodded. "I'll get to it." He said, pulling out his cell phone and making some calls as he walked back down the alley to his car.

Mac pulled on a fresh pair of gloves and started back on his examination of the scene. He had it from the shop owners that the rubbish bins hadn't been emptied since Lindsay's attack so if he couldn't find the cloth anywhere on the alley he was going to have to delve into the never ending pile of refuse. And this time there was no Lindsay here to do it for him. He took out his flashlight and carefully walked the alley from top to bottom. He was about halfway down when he caught sight of something wedged in between two trashcans. Mac crouched down and picked it up. It was a dark, coarse piece of cloth and looked like it could have been used to gag someone. He was just bagging it when Danny came back carrying too Styrofoam cups of coffee.

"I'm sorry about before ….. I just …" Danny started, handing Mac a cup.

"I know. This is hard for all of us." Mac said, glancing at his co-worker.

"What do you need me to do?" Danny asked, looking around.

Mac handed him the bagged cloth. "Take this back to the lab and start the analysis on it. I'll finish up here and then join you."

Danny nodded and headed back to his car. 'Focus, focus, focus.' He told himself.

………………………………………

Danny stretched and rubbed his eyes. Mac had collected a series of fingerprints from the rubbish bins and he had given them to Danny to run them through the database. So far all of them had either led back to the restaurant workers or refuse disposers but he was hoping that at least one set would uncover a possible suspect. No luck so far though and he was getting down to his last dozen.

Suddenly the loud ringing of a cell phone broke the eerie silence of the lab and Danny reached for his phone before realising that he had his on silent. He swung his chair over to the other desk and saw that Mac had left his cell phone there. Looking at the caller ID, he saw that it was Stella calling and he couldn't help but worry that something else had gone wrong with Lindsay so at the risk of incurring the wrath of his boss he answered it.

"Hello."

"_Danny? Where's Mac?"_ Stella said, surprised.

"He's in DNA and left his phone here. How's Lindsay?" Danny asked as he headed down the corridor to the DNA lab.

Stella hid a smile and glanced over at the sofa. _"I managed to convince her to get some sleep so she's resting for a bit."_

"That's good, that's good." Danny said, biting down on his lip hard as he couldn't help but wish that he was there with Lindsay whilst Stella was busy analysing evidence in the lab. "I'll pass you over to Mac now."

He carried the phone over to the DNA lab and knocked on the door before motioning Mac to take the phone.

"Stella?"

"_Hey Mac. I just wanted to check in and see how the investigation's going."_

"Danny's had no luck with the fingerprints but I managed to get a lot of male DNA off of Lindsay's clothes which matches with the DNA on the rag. The fingerprints are running through the database now so hopefully something will come up." Mac informed her. "How's Lindsay?"

"_She's being very brave."_

Mac glanced around checking that Danny had left. "And how are you?"

Stella smiled, touched at his concern. _"Slightly scared that something like this can happen to one of us and no one notice."_

Mac didn't miss the sadness in her voice. That was Stella: She made every case her own personal crusade and this one was more personal than most. "We're going to catch the guy Stella." He said firmly.

Stella sighed. "I know. I should probably let you get back now. Call me as soon as you find out anything."

"Will do. Bye." Mac said before flipping his cell phone shut and heading over to NYPD. "You got anything for me yet Flack?" He asked.

"No nothing. No one saw anything or heard anything. I'm relying on you and Messer to give me some leads to run otherwise I'm just chasing thin air." Flack said, spinning round in his chair.

"Well, I better get back to it then." Mac said, heading back.

"Hey Mac!" Flack called. Mac turned back round. "Do you think if Danny hadn't set things off, Lindsay would have eventually told someone about this?"

Mac shook his head. "I honestly don't know. I can't even begin to imagine what she's gone through."

…………………………………………………………………..

Lindsay sat up on the sofa and stretched. It was going to take her forever to catch up on all the sleep she had lost but at least the rest had done her some good. She looked around and saw Stella come out from the kitchen, a cloth in her hand.

"You really don't have to clean up for me." Lindsay said.

"Don't tell me … I look really stupid wearing what I'm wearing with a dishcloth in hand." Stella laughed.

Lindsay smiled. "I was wondering if we could head down to the lab now." Lindsay said.

Stella dropped the cloth and came into the lounge. "Why do you want to do that?"

Lindsay shrugged. "It's been a few hours now and I want to see how it's going. Plus I would rather do something other than hang around here – even if it's just sitting in the break room in the lab."

"If you're sure you're up to it." Stella said unsurely.

"Yeah I'm sure. It's worked for me for the past week." Lindsay sighed, heading into her bedroom to get changed.

…………………………………….

"Hey Stella, Lindsay!" Danny called down the corridor.

The two ladies turned and waited for him to catch up.

Lindsay had been very quiet on the ride over here and Stella soon gave up trying to engage her in conversation, letting her brood silently. She hoped that once they got to the lab, Mac would have something for them so Lindsay could put this whole ordeal behind her.

"How are you?" Danny asked, jogging up and looking at Lindsay concernedly.

Lindsay shrugged. "Better." She said bravely. "How's the fingerprinting going?"

Danny frowned. "How did you know ……"

Lindsay laughed softly and reached up and brushed something from his face, causing Danny to heat up against his will. "You've got fingerprint dust everywhere." She said looking at him amusedly.

"She's good this one. Someone should make her a CSI." Danny said to Stella jokingly.

Lindsay elbowed him playfully. Funny how he still managed to make her smile no matter what she had just been through.

"Lindsay?" Mac said, curiously, walking up to them and giving Stella a questioning look.

"Yeah, I couldn't sit around at home anymore so I forced Stella to let me come in." Lindsay explained.

"You know we can't let you anywhere near the case until the very end right?" Mac checked and got a nod in reply.

"A set of fingerprints that you ran through the computer just got a hit." A lab tech said, bringing Danny a piece of paper. Danny read it and his eyebrows furrowed up in concern before he handed Mac the report silently.

After Mac had read it he glanced at Lindsay. "Lindsay, can you give us a moment please?"

Lindsay frowned. "Whoever it is, I want to know."

"Lindsay, you know we can't do that until we can confirm he's a viable suspect."

Lindsay sighed. She did know but it didn't mean that accepting she had to be kept out of the loop was any easier. "I'll be in the break room." She said, walking away.

"What's the matter Mac?" Stella asked at Mac's concerned look.

He showed her the report. "It's someone from NYPD." He said quietly.


	5. Seeing You It Kills Me Now

**Chapter Five: Seeing You It Kills Me Now**

**_Disclaimer: I own my Muse, my imagination, my dreams, the fangirl in me and not a whole lot else. To the show's writers - I worship the ground you metaphorically walk on._**

**A/N:- Sorry about the delay. I had lots of work and exams to do and then I got distracted by other fics and then I was away on holiday ….. . I'm going away again, this time to America so I'm not going to be able to write or update again until I'm back so here's a pretty long chapter for you to keep you going. Thanks for all your support and comments so far! It's a real joy reading them all.**

'Detective David Reynolds, ex-Army, worked for NYPD for twelve years having transferred over from LAPD.'

"Mac, this means that this wasn't a random attack." Stella said worriedly.

Mac shook his head. "He works nightshift, if he did attack Lindsay then it could be a random attack as he hasn't necessary seen her around here."

"I don't know … we're nearly always pulling double shifts and a guy with his background, I don't think he would pull just any girl off the streets."

Suddenly Danny stamped his foot down in realisation. "The 'Blue Lights' bar where I met Lindsay last night. He could have seen her and singled her out from there."

"I better get Flack on the case." Mac said, frowning at the other two.

"Danny I want you and Hawkes to pull out the files of unsolved rape cases from the past few months just in case. Stella, you and I are going with Flack to find this guy." He paused. "Maybe you would like to change first?" he suggested looking at her still wearing her now rather rumpled black dress.

"Yeah." Stella said, looking down at herself. "I think I've got a change of clothes in my locker." She walked into the locker room and wasn't surprised to see Lindsay sitting in there, seated on the bench, staring down at her hands. Stella sat down next to her quietly.

"You still can't tell me who it is can you?" Lindsay asked although she already knew what the answer would be.

"No but Flack should be chasing the lead down now." Stella answered her gently. "It'll all be over soon."

"And then I guess I can just get on with my life just as if nothing had happened." Lindsay said bitterly.

Stella looked at her sadly. The shock and fear was starting to be replaced with anger and resentment and knowing Lindsay, very soon that would be replaced with fierce determination not to let it affect her work.

"I'm going out to get some air." Lindsay sighed, standing up.

"Do you want some company?" Stella asked.

"No, I think I'd like some time alone if that's okay." Lindsay said before heading out.

As she walked down the corridor she could see the lab techs and other detectives shooting her sympathetic looks which she tried to ignore and carry on walking with her head held up high but it was hard. Back in Montana she would have known everyone in the building and they would have all approached her with hugs uttering angry threats at the person who did this to her …………… mind you back in Montana she probably would never have been attacked anyway.

She pushed open the glass doors that led onto the deserted balcony. It was a cold day and it was blowing a gale way up on the 42nd floor but she ignored it and walked over to the edge and resting her hands on the railing she looked down at the street below. Office workers, tourists and street merchants were busy going about their business like ants down below. She used to be one of them, care free, innocently taking in everything New York had to offer but things had changed now. She could feel herself start to lose it and begin to cry again. She hated feeling so weak and pathetic but she couldn't help it. It was like she had a TV screen in her head that just kept playing her attack over and over again and occasionally she would tune in and it would shatter her self confidence.

Danny had wanted to go with Flack to pick up Reynolds but it was probably best that Mac and Stella went since he was feeling especially volatile and likely to explode at the moment. If any one of them had been attacked it would feel like he was attacking them all but it hurt especially because it had been Lindsay who had had to suffer. The guilt that had been starting to pile up was threatening to overflow. He had looked at it as his responsibility to look after the new girl and integrate her into the team and ever since his feelings for her had started to develop you would have thought that he would have looked out for her doubly hard. He knew it wasn't actually his fault and that Hawkes, Stella, Flack and Mac felt the same but he couldn't stop blaming himself. He was growing increasingly restless and could hardly keep his eyes on the computer screen.

"Look, why don't you go grab us some coffee whilst I finish running through these cases." Sheldon said looking at him over his computer at him.

Danny sighed. "Sorry, I just-"

"I know. Go bring me some caffeine." Hawkes said waving him away.

Danny headed out the lab and was halfway to the break room when he passed by the balcony and saw Lindsay standing there alone.

"Hey Montana!" he called, opening the door. She didn't turn and Danny guessed that she hadn't heard since he could hardly hear himself over the wind. Bracing himself against the wind, he walked towards her and stood next to her a little way away so as not to startle her. She shifted a bit indicating to him that she had seen him and he looked across at her, about to suggest they went inside when he noticed, with a pang in his heart, the tears streaming down her face and the fact she was shivering from the cold. He pulled off his jacket and draped it over her shoulders.

"It's going to be alright Lindsay." He said into her ear, gently drawing her into his arms. She tensed involuntarily before relaxing and burying her face in his shirt. Danny held her tightly and stroked her back lightly, trying to ease her internal pain.

Lindsay didn't know why but having Danny there just made her cry more when usually she would have been overcome with embarrassment and pulled away and insist that she was alright. Now she just wanted to stay out here with him where it was safe. She curled her arms around his neck and clung to him. "I can't do this Danny. I can't do this."

"Yes you can. You're not going to let him get to you. You're going to put him away for a long long time and then prove to him that he hasn't ruined your life like he wanted." He said firmly, resting his head lightly on hers. The wind was causing her hair to blow up and hit against his face but he didn't care, he just wished he could offer her some sort of comfort.

"Hey, you guys get him?" Hawkes asked coming out of the lab as Mac and Stella passed.

"Yes, he's waiting in the interview room denying everything of course." Mac answered with a sigh. Then he frowned. "Where's Danny? Isn't he meant to be looking at past cases with you?"

"Yeah, I just came out to look for him. He said he was going to go get coffee for me half an hour ago." Hawkes explained.

Stella wandered a little way down the corridor and stopped at the large window which looked out onto the balcony and motioned the guys over.

"I think the fact that she repressed everything for almost a week before telling someone is really starting to affect her." Stella said quietly.

"And I think Danny's taking it badly, blames himself for some reason." Sheldon added.

"I hate to have to do this but we have a suspect to interview." Mac sighed before opening the door and shouting at Danny and Lindsay. As they made their way in Mac turned to Stella. "I'm going to let Danny take this with Flack and I. Maybe his temper will scare Reynolds into confessing. You okay with staying with Lindsay?" Mac knew how much this case was upsetting Stella and he didn't want to make her more upset with having to face the suspect.

Stella nodded. "Of course."

Danny heard Mac calling and Lindsay evidently had as well as she moved away from him quickly and wiped her eyes with the back of her hands before handing him his jacket back. "I'm sorry for crying all over you." She apologised, giving him a weak smile.

"You've got nothing to apologise for Montana." He said, motioning her towards the door.

As she saw the other three standing there, her embarrassment grew and she wished her eyes weren't all red from crying. Stella gave her a small smile and motioned her towards the break room.

"What's up?" Danny asked his boss, stuffing his hands into his pockets and watching as Lindsay walked down the corridor, Stella's arm around her comfortingly.

"We've got Reynolds in custody and I want you to go in there with Flack and I." Mac told him.

"Good, let's nail this son of a bitch." Danny said vehemently, smacking his fist into the palm of his other hand.

"Danny, I want you to take it easy … can I trust you not to lose it in there?"

Danny relaxed his fist and dropped his gaze to the floor before looking back up to meet his boss' gaze determinedly. "I promise he'll still be able to walk after I'm done." He said before stalking down the corridor to the interview room.

Danny wasn't exactly sure what he expected to see when he walked into the interview room but David Reynolds pretty much fit the description. Tall, strong and denying his involvement loud and clear.

"This is outrageous. I'm NYPD and I'm telling you I had nothing to do with this." He shouted as Mac and Danny took their seats.

"Detective Reynolds. You know the drill. We will be recording the whole interview and for your own benefit I would start telling the truth right from the beginning." Mac told him.

"I am telling the truth. I wouldn't attack anyone."

"That's not what your record says." Mac said, looking through a folder.

"Just because I had one bust up when I was in the Army does NOT mean I raped a CSI." David spat.

"Where were you last Tuesday?" Mac questioned.

"I went straight home after a double shift and stayed there the whole night."

"Can anyone confirm this?"

David's jaw jutted out. "No. I didn't talk to anyone all night."

"So for all we know, you could have been in the alley round the back of Morrisons?" Danny shot, walking up and down the room behind their suspect.

"I tell you I've never raped anyone."

"Then how come your DNA is all over Lindsay Monroe's clothing?" Mac said, shoving the evidence across the table.

Shock registered on Reynolds face. "I have no idea but I swear I've never touched her in my life. I don't even know who the hell she is."

"That's not what the evidence is saying and you don't need me to tell you that evidence speaks louder than words." Mac said.

"For the last time I DIDN'T RAPE HER." Reynolds shouted, standing up in an attempt to leave.

Danny stopped him and shoved him against the wall, his temper getting the better of him. "Why don't you quit lying and just admit what you've done you lying bit of scum. You attacked and brutally raped a friend of mine and by God I'm going to make you pay." Danny seethed.

"Danny." Mac said shortly, standing up. "Let him go."

Danny glared at Reynolds for a couple of seconds longer before letting go of his shirt.

"You wait here and I'll give you a second chance to call a lawyer before we lock you up." Mac said gruffly to Reynolds before leading Danny out of the room.

………..

Lindsay paced up and down the break room, unable to keep still. All she could think about was the fact that the son of a bitch who ruined her life was sitting in a room just a few meters down the corridor and she wasn't allowed to see the bastard.

"Why don't you sit down and have a cookie?" Stella said gently, holding out the bag.

Lindsay shook her head and continued her agitated pacing.

"Lindsay, I know it's hard but Mac and Danny are doing their job. They're going to nail him and then you can start to work at putting this whole thing behind you."

"I need to see him. I need to look him in the eye and make him realise what he did." Lindsay said angrily.

"You'll need to point him out during a line-up so you know we can't let you see him beforehand-" But before Stella could finish, Lindsay was out of the door, running down the corridor to the interview room. "LINDSAY!" Stella shouted, running after her.

Lindsay knew she was compromising the investigation but she couldn't help herself. Just in this minute, she wasn't CSI Monroe, she was just a young lady overcome with the need for revenge.

She stopped short in front of the one-way window and looked in just as Danny and Mac came out.

"Lindsay what are you doing here? You know you can't see him before the line-up." Mac hissed.

Stella caught up with them. "I couldn't stop her, she just ran." She said breathlessly in answer to Mac's annoyed look.

Danny walked to Lindsay's side and touched her arm gently. "Are you okay?"

Lindsay shook her head slightly before spinning round to face the others. "Is that the suspect in my case?"

"Yes, he came up as a match to the DNA we ran through the database." Mac answered with a frown.

A look of confusion came across Lindsay's face as she shook her head. "He's not the guy who raped me."


End file.
